Triangular theory of love

Last time when I studied psychology, there's a theory of love which I think quite close to what I think of love. It's a theory developed by Robert Sternberg called Triangular theory of love. According to the theory, there's 3 important elements in love: intimacy, passion & commitment. Combine all 3 elements, one can has a consummate love, the complete form of love that represent the ideal relationship towards which ppl strive. Well, with the diagram I guess it will be very easy to understand.

But according to the founder, it's not easy to achieve consummate love, which I strongly agree. I will see love at first comes in intimacy(if it's from friendship) or passion(if it's love in first sight). Then slowly it will comes another element (intimacy or passion, which ever that did not came in first). For commitment, it's really not easy nowadays. Not only men doesn't like to commit in a relationship, but women too. Commitment become a pressure and burden.

Well, until the day both committed, you think that's the end of the story?? Princess and her prince living happily ever after?? Nope. Maintaining this consummate love is even harder than achieving. Even Sternberg also agreed on that. To me, the route of love is from liking, to romantic love, then finally I got consummate love. But it just hard to last... Sometimes passion faded, sometimes intimacy faded... So from consummate love, it often changes to fatuous love or companionate.. However, what I really afraid is the love become empty love. When there's only commitment left, for me, it doesn't means love anymore...

I really do hope I can keep the intimacy, but I'm not sure what's went wrong that took away it... When there's no more intimacy, I felt that passion is going away too... OMG!! I really dunno what to and really hoping for help...

Learning process

Life is actually a learning process... I guess everyone agrees with it... From the day we were born, we learn to sit, talk, walk, n etc... Some ppl thought they had learn enough when they get older, of course many knows that learning process wont stop...

In marriage life, much things need to learn also... We learn to live with each other, learn to tolerant, learn to take care each other, learn to love, learn to be patience, learn to forgive, learn to trust, learn to respect... But it seems like the one who actually really keen to learn was always the woman... I'm not sure it's my subjective point of view or it's actually quite true...

To prove my view not that subjective, here's the example... See, there's plenty of books on how to be a 'successful woman behind a successful man', books that teach women how to cope with family and husband n etc. But there are so little books that talk about marriage or family to MEN! Even there are a few, but men never look for that... Well, maybe some men dun like to read... But when men face prob in work, they will find solutions, maybe from colleagues or from internet... However, did you ever heard that your man online find solution for your relationship or marriage?? They will rather play online game, I bet...

In my marriage, my man wanted to learn many things... I see that as a good thing... but soon I find out that to manage the relationship is never the thing he wants to learn... He wont admit, or maybe he also dunno... As a wife, I really think I'm learning to be better... From doing housework to cooking dishes, it's all new to me and I'm keen to learn... See, cooking, women will buy cooking books to learn cook, but men will buy motor trader to see his dream car... I read a book said that to a man, relationship is like he bought a fridge home. After 'set up' the fridge then it can be use for years and years without having to worry about maintaining or cleaning it.

Many man will think that his VERY IMPORTANT role in the relationship is to provide financial support. Well, money is always important that cannot be denied. But is that the main stem of the relationship?? I'm not very sure, however, one thing I'm sure is without money the relationship most probably can still survive, without love the relationship will sure collapse.

Anyway, love is really powerful. I really dun wish to admit this, but I know this few years ago before I married him, that he got the key of my life. In others' view, I seems like always bully him and he seems all under my control. In fact, both of us know it's actually not. No matter how I mad of him, end up I will still forgive him for no reason (I really really dunno why). Haha, movie always showed that the wife kicks her husband out of the room. Well, I'm not sure how many women can actually sleep well after doing that... but for sure I'm not the one! I just kick him to another room with bed, not living room with sofa, but the whole night I was worrying whether there's blanket in the room... I felt miserable failure for cant being hard hearted!

Aih, I guess there's so much more for me to learn... but it's really sad when he said that I never respect his life... Well, I dunno what I did and deserved that... I know that respect each other is very important in relationship. But I never did that... so I'm kinda lost now... dunno what else I can do... I guess this is a part of the learning process... a part of life...

First Trimester

This is my baby when she was just 10 weeks old. Yup, it's still pretty small on that time, 3.46cm only... On that time, I suffered a mild morning sickness. Nausea and dizzy quite often, sometimes did vomit but not consider serious I think.

Ok, she was getting bigger now. She was 10.9cm at 16 weeks. That's the end of first trimester and going to start the second trimester. In the first trimester, the most suffer part was constipation. I suffered on constipation quite serious. Maybe I never had that experience before, that's why really dunno how to cope with it. I remembered that was one night I couldn't sleep at all, keep visiting the toilet but still there's nothing. Until near morning, only the prob got solved. From that day, I swear that I must take more fruits, veges and plenty of water.

Physically unwell will sometimes lead to mental unstable too. During the pregnancy, I was really worry about my baby. Sometimes was over sensitive too. That made me paid for extra visits to the doc also :p But it's worth for my baby's health! Oh ya, during the above scan the doc mentioned that most probably my baby is a princess. So we assumed she is my beloved princess.

I set up a baby name poll for my little princess.

http://www.babyzone.com/babynames/bnpoll.asp?pollid=130021

There's the link for the poll. I hope for a not so common yet meaningful name. My hubby was so headache on my choosey, so we decided to come out with this poll. Hopefully it will help little princess get a nice name =)

Changing...

Had a weird dream this morning... After woke up, I feel life's changing. I know I had been married for more than a year, and now little baby is growing in my tummy. But now only I felt the changes of life.

From the day I was born, there's so much loves and cares around me. When I was in primary school age, I often cried in the night thinking one day if my parents pass away, how sad it will be... not because I will be alone, I know I still have my bros, friends and others... but the feeling was really really scared and upset... Parents, they are the person who grow me up from little baby to an adult... The feeling of losing them was really terrible even it not yet happen.

Until the day of my secondary school, I think less on that issue, perhaps there are too much attraction in life that made me neglect that issue for quite some times... In that few years, I don't like to stay at home, always looking for something exciting out there... I fall in and out in love... When I felt sad and lonely, home is still the place I hide myself. At the time, I know there's still loves and cares around me even when I don't want to stay at home.

On the day of my marriage, I know I had to leave the home. Many ppl told me a marriage is 2 persons leave your origin family and build another family of your own. I agreed on that and I thought all the while I'm doing this year, was building my own family. But this morning woke up, I realized that I was wrong. I never left my home or family nor building my own 'home'. Marriage still didn't takes place in my life. Although I spent most of my time with my hubby and I told everyone he is my husband. But it just not the right feeling of husband, not until this morning.

The feeling of transform is, now I understand the one who going to spend my lifetime with me will be my husband. My family, my parents, they couldn't be with me for the whole life. It sounds very funny, I know... this should be very obvious in life! But I'm not sure is everyone 'understand' this fact or just 'know' the fact... All the while I'm thinking was if my marriage didn't turn up successfully, I will still have my parents. The feeling was like when you still having puppy love with your bf. Yup, sure you will feel upset after breaking up but it just an ending of a small chapter in your life. It's different in marriage, husband is not bf anymore. We both committed to stay with each other for the rest of life. Rest of the life, if I can live up to 80 years, means I will be with my husband for 3/4 of my life. It's no more a small chapter in life!

Wow, it sound like I'm regretting of my commitment. No! It's made me more confirm and more sure that I want to commit in this marriage. This doesn't mean my parents and bros not important anymore. I know they are still there for me with loves and cares. But now I understand my parents committed in their marriage, so they will spend their lifetime together... even if one day they pass away, I shouldn't be too sad because they have their life together happily. My bros will grow up one day, they will need to committed in their life also. So all of us living in our own life, but are all connected to each other...

Oh what am I talking?? Maybe you don't understand what I mean, maybe I myself also don't know what I want to mean... but life is wonderful, with new thoughts and feelings everyday!